A Small Victory in the Battle with the (Almighty) Majestic Hoop...

Given the chance--by a machine, no less--to check a box that guarantees that any mistakes will be the machine's fault, not yours, and, AND, the machine will do everything possible to correct all mistakes, and make you look like an effing genius, run....RUN, do not walk, pick up the nearest pen, or in my case--stylus (you can even use your finger) and CHECK THE BOX on the machine!!!  

 Remember the other day when I was fighting with the computer and the sewing machine to fix the settings so I could get the darned mega-super-duper-majestic-queen-size-you've never seen anything this big in your life-hoop fixed so I could embroider the world's largest rose bush?  On faux leather, of course.....in French, when applied to leather, by the way, "faux" means, "I can't afford the real thing, and you shouldn't be embroidering on it anyway."  (Those French--they have a different word for everything.....)

Anyway--while I was fiddling around (a nice way to put it) with the sewing machine, I realized I hadn't checked the idiot proof box....so I did it then.  It's really called "Auto-Save," but in reality, it does this: whenever there is a power failure, or the machine dies for some reason, or your computer should--god forbid--turn off in the middle of a job (gosh, mine would NEVER do anything like that--it's a DELL-with-a-stupid-E, for heaven's sake--they're like, gee, the world's most wonderful machines, aren't they?  Doesn't even the Federal government use them so they can be the most efficient, productive organization in the free world?  That should say something about DELL-with-the-stupid-E.)  At any rate, where was I?  Oh yes....your machine dies, the computer dies or....goes "down," (instead of remaining "up," as it should)....or Iraq invades, or the neighbors come over for drinks and push the wrong button while they admire your work (they're not too bright, especially after a few rum & cokes or triple shots of tequila, trust me), or you're power-washing the patio and accidentally spray in the windows (because someone--SOMEONE, and it's never me) forgot to close the windows and the spray hits the start/stop button perfectly on target but you don't see it and you go inside to go to the eye doctor at 5 pm and never think twice about it, since all you want to do afterwards is drink wine, have a little food and go to bed....

Anyway, this idiot box thing is kind of like insurance.  You get up in the morning and go downstairs, and of course, the entire machine is.....OFF.  No design on the screen.  The message reads, "Remove hoop, calibrate machine; put on Q-foot."  That's code for, "start her up."  In Barbara-speak, that means, "Holy shit, Batman--we only had 24,000 stitches left out of.......147,000, and this thing shut down last night.  We're in deep doo-doo....."  (That's not really what I said.  What I really said was, "oh crap--I can't believe this--I'm effed.")  Except I filled in the whole word---about 147.000 times.

 At first, naturally, I blamed DELL-with-a-stupid-E.  Then, I remembered the idiot box.  Oh thank god in heaven, I thought.  Then, I thought--where the hell is it?  How do you find the design you "auto-saved"?  (There's no instructions for THAT.)  So now I really AM panicking....was I supposed to name something when I auto-saved?  Holy mother of god....now I'm sweating bobbins.  (Plus, I threw my pj's in the wash so I'm actually sitting in front of the machine, only in my slippers, so I look ridiculous on top of all this....)

 Finally, I find the damned design--it loads up......slowly, like DELL-with-the-stupid-E coming back "up" from vacation does sometimes....you know, when the little circle-thingy just keeps circling, and circling, and you wonder if it's ever going to stop and let the screen APPEAR, for cripes' sake.  Well, the design gets there, and now I'm wondering....will it remember WHERE IT WAS LAST NIGHT, like it was drunk or something---sheesh....or does it have alcohol amnesia, like I sometimes get after too much red wine?  

 Yippee!! It goes back to where it belonged.  There IS a god after all, and her name is Diamond Viking!!!!  

This is also proof that everything happens for a reason.  If I hadn't fought with the machines the other day, I would've still forgotten to check the idiot box, and when the power went off last night, I'd be screwed.  (Of course, I still wouldn't be able to use the super-duper majestic almighty hoop, either....so you never know WHY things happen for a reason, but I still maintain that they do....)

 Grilled cheesus, I'm already tired.  This was like a book.  Sorry about that.  Note to self--never, NEVER start a 147,000 stitch design when the weather forecast is for days on end of isolated thunderstorms and potential power failures....especially if you live in Lake of the Woods, VA, where trees are an endangered species, apparently.  We never cut them down--we LIKE power failures around here--it gives us that "off the grid" living experience as Republicans we can't get as Democrats.  So we can live vicariously.....through power failures, on the lake....

 Okay--that's enough.  Wicked1, I might send you a picture of the world's largest rose bush in a bit.  If I can't make a bag out of this, you might want to make a messenger bag from it--it's so damned pretty, it ought to be framed....or something, it was so much trouble.