When you are making a whole bunch of evening bags to put into gift bags for a whole bunch of celebrities--well, when you're making a whole bunch of anything for a bunch of celebrities, it's hard not to get nervous....your head starts playing mind games. Like--will they like it? Will they just toss it in the trash? Will they give it to a homeless person, or one of their kids? Or even worse--since a homeless person or a kid would at least use the bag--would they actually mention your name in public and say something really horrible about your product, thereby ending once and for all any chance you ever have of success in the future?
I try not to think like this when I'm either designing, or worse--have a sharp pair of scissors in my hands. Instead, I try to think of these people as just plain old regular people like....us. You know--the old saying about "they put on their pants one leg at a time, just like we do." That kind of crap. Or how someone is always telling you to picture someone naked when you have to speak in public (when I used to have to speak in public, I never did that, because it would make me break out in a fit of giggles just before I had to speak--completely undoing any composure I thought I had to begin with, and in the job I had, laughing in public would have been frowned upon--I was a boring public servant). As an aside to this though, I did work in the White House for a year once during my government career, and the President I happened to work for was known to go for strolls and wander into peoples' offices and casually say as he stuck out his hand, "Hi--I'm President ___" (as if he had to introduce himself, for god's sake--like people might actually not know who he was--that always cracked me up) "--and you are? How're you doin'? How's it goin' anyway," as he'd sit down next to their desk--and the poor slob he'd just popped in on, who had his feet propped up on his desk, would promptly spill his coffee as he (or she) would scramble to stand up and practically salute the man--who nearly always left within about a minute and a half anyway, on to the next office he could surprise with a "Hi--how are ya? I'm President ___, and you are?" So, I do know a little what it's like to get hit in the face with a celebrity who is completely oblivious to his/her own celebrity-ism and can't figure out why everybody is spilling their coffee and stumbling around like idiots when he/she walks in the room (I was tongue-tied for the whole 30 seconds he spoke to me, and when he asked me what I did, mumbled something about being an economist--which was completely inane, because of course I was an economist--that's where I was working--or maybe I said I work for you, or something stupid like that...it didn't matter--he just smiled and went on to the next poor equally tongue-tied person).
Anyway--where was I? (You'll find out I'm always saying that.) Oh yeah--trying to just think of celebrities as "normal" people. Not like aliens who dropped in from outer space. Or super-humans endowed with certain special powers. Nope--these are just people like us....they have families and kids, houses with mortgages, bills to pay. They read the paper, they read books, do the NY Times crossword, emails, Facebook. They go to movies that OTHER celebrities star in--and they probably think "wow, those people are awesome. I wish I could be like that." Okay--maybe that last one is a stretch--more like a jealous temper tantrum because their agent didn't get them the part, or they can't afford the agent who might be able to get them the part.
They drink coffee, milk, wine. They eat normal food--I assume. I mean--they have to eat, right? Some of them are even a little OVERWEIGHT--they aren't ALL PERFECT. (Especially the guys.) They brush their teeth--and speaking of that, they go to the bathroom just like the rest of us. There--I said that very nicely, but you know what I was thinking. Yup--number 1 and number 2, just like us. And it's not celebrity poop and pee, either. (At least, I don't think there's such a thing--but since I'm not a celebrity, I can't actually vouch for this--I'm just making an educated guess.) And I suspect they drive regular cars for the most part--the moms probably even drive a minivan, and they all drive on the right side of the road, just like I do. Well, most of the time anyway. (I have my moments--like after a night at the club and a wee bit too much vino--thank god the speed limit is only 25, I live in the neighborhood, no one has ever been pulled over for drinking and driving in the lake, I'm only a mile away from the club and the worst that's ever happened is I occasionally turn down the street before mine and recognize that "hey--this doesn't look like my street"--sure enough, it's not, but I pretend I meant to do it, and just back up and get on the right road.)
They get up, and go to work just like the rest of us. Okay--so 80 million people watch them every week at work. (Does that really make them so special?) They get paid by the episode--hell, I would take an annual salary any day of the week--suppose the show gets cancelled (and it does, a lot--if those 80 million suddenly turn into just 8 million). All of a sudden, you're out of work. That's not a lot of job security. Wait a minute! That's just like........US! Or a lot of us, in this economy, anyway. Somebody doesn't like you? Hit the road, Jack. Hmm--maybe they're a lot more like us than we think. Risky business after all. On the other hand, they have absolutely NO privacy--if they're good at their jobs. So when they do go out in public, people are all over them--imagine walking out of your house and some guy is standing there just waiting to take your picture as you hop in your car to go to the grocery store, and maybe you didn't feel like doing your hair that day, or putting on makeup, or your tee shirt has stains on the hem and you didn't bother tucking it in. Grilled cheesus--you'd feel like you had to have your "glitterazy" on 24-7...no wonder so many celebs live in close proximity--maybe they feel a kind of safety in numbers sort of thing. Or a sort of "it's no big deal--there's a lot of us--nobody's that special" kind of feeling.
I try to think in these terms--the women I'm making evening bags for? Maybe they'd appreciate a beautiful, made-in-the U.S. all by hand, original design evening bag--free! Why would they give it away? It's gorgeous, after all--made with great materials. It didn't come from China (don't get me started on that subject--I have a love/hate relationship with China, which I sometimes can only spell as W-A-L-M-A-R-T, but that's another subject and another blog altogether), they can carry it anywhere--going out to dinner, to parties (if they go to that many--if they really are like us, I'm guessing they still have to put the kids to bed and by then, they're too pooped to party), or even with their jeans to go shopping on Saturdays. And yes--I bet they shop at Target, Old Navy, and even my "favorite" Wal-Mart (though I really hope not), but grocery stores like Safeway and Whole Foods. (They probably wouldn't take it to church, though--it's a little too glitzy for that...or at least, I hope it is.)
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
A Small Victory in the Battle with the (Almighty) Majestic Hoop...
Given the chance--by a machine, no less--to check a box that
guarantees that any mistakes will be the machine's fault, not yours, and, AND,
the machine will do everything possible to correct all mistakes, and make you
look like an effing genius, run....RUN, do not walk, pick up the nearest pen, or
in my case--stylus (you can even use your finger) and CHECK THE BOX on the
machine!!!
Anyway--while I was fiddling around (a nice way to put it)
with the sewing machine, I realized I hadn't checked the idiot proof box....so
I did it then. It's really called "Auto-Save," but in reality,
it does this: whenever there is a power failure, or the machine dies for some
reason, or your computer should--god forbid--turn off in the middle of a job
(gosh, mine would NEVER do anything like that--it's a DELL-with-a-stupid-E, for
heaven's sake--they're like, gee, the world's most wonderful machines, aren't
they? Doesn't even the Federal government use them so they can be the
most efficient, productive organization in the free world? That should
say something about DELL-with-the-stupid-E.) At any rate, where was I?
Oh yes....your machine dies, the computer dies or....goes
"down," (instead of remaining "up," as it should)....or
Iraq invades, or the neighbors come over for drinks and push the wrong button
while they admire your work (they're not too bright, especially after a few rum & cokes or triple shots of tequila, trust me), or you're power-washing the patio and accidentally spray in
the windows (because someone--SOMEONE, and it's never me) forgot to close the
windows and the spray hits the start/stop button perfectly on target but you
don't see it and you go inside to go to the eye doctor at 5 pm and never think
twice about it, since all you want to do afterwards is drink wine, have a
little food and go to bed....
Anyway, this idiot box thing is kind of like insurance.
You get up in the morning and go downstairs, and of course, the entire
machine is.....OFF. No design on the screen. The message reads,
"Remove hoop, calibrate machine; put on Q-foot." That's code
for, "start her up." In Barbara-speak, that means, "Holy
shit, Batman--we only had 24,000 stitches left out of.......147,000, and this
thing shut down last night. We're in deep doo-doo....."
(That's not really what I said. What I really said was, "oh
crap--I can't believe this--I'm effed.") Except I filled in the whole
word---about 147.000 times.
This is also proof that everything happens for a reason.
If I hadn't fought with the machines the other day, I would've still
forgotten to check the idiot box, and when the power went off last night, I'd
be screwed. (Of course, I still wouldn't be able to use the super-duper
majestic almighty hoop, either....so you never know WHY things happen for a
reason, but I still maintain that they do....)
Proud Sponsors of the 65th Annual Emmy Awards--That's US!! (Oh, and still battling the hoop)
Yesterday,
I went to Joanns, taking all 3 of my majestic designs that I'd finished
(including Mr. Saffron-you can call me mellow-yellow, but I still say it's
saffron, Donovan)....and went in to ask how I could do my OWN designs without
that stupid error message popping up that says, "Get off the middle of the
hoop--get on your OWN side, or we won't do no stinkin' work for YOU today,
missy...so there. Bite me." Which has meant that I had to
repeat a design, mirror-imaged, but have a small space between the two images
(that would be the bottom of the bag, which isn't a real big deal, EXCEPT--I
WANT to be able to do a design that takes up the entire bag, dammit).
Anyway, Susan was working the VSM shop--that's the Viking store in Joanns (don't ask me what the S&M stand for, because what I USUALLY think is not what these women look like they'd EVER be doing, ANYWHERE, even remotely CLOSE to something that resembles S or M). But V stands for Viking--or at least, I hope it does....let's not even go there.
So I explain this problem to Susan who tells me she's only begun to play with her majestic hoop, so she really can't answer my questions, but admires my work anyway, and then holds up this little software cd that says, "How Do I?" and at the bottom of the bag it says "Outsmart the GodAlmighty F'ing Majestic Hoop so it will do whatever I WANT it to do, on command?" Or some kind of bs like that....for a mere $29.95....(it's always something at VSM--no one ever knows anything, but they can SELL you the answer). Ok then--I'm desperate AND I'm game--I'll buy it.
And THIS time, I've got so many freaking points (from buying my last Diamond), that the darned software is actually FREE to ME!!! Yahoo and Comcast!! In fact, I even got 5 spools of Robison-Anton thread, too--ha, ha....VSM didn't make any $$ yesterday on me....(of course, Joanns was another story entirely--but at least I remembered my 10% off everything coupon...)
And believe it or not--not only did I read the instructions and watch the damned cd, but IT WORKED!! I got a complete design sent to my Diamond that I MADE UP MYSELF, and the machine actually gave me that wonderful message that I love to see--you know, the one where it asks me, "Want us to do all the work on one side first, so you can stop and admire it, oh most beautiful master, the best designer we've ever worked with in our short little lives--or would you like us to jump around from place to place on this f'ing hoop, and make you nervous as hell, wondering what the heck we're up to now?" I always check, "You can stay right where you are, bitch, until I say..."turn over," and then we'll see how well you did."
And away we go.....I'm so excited, because now I can also do design alignment of my other designs--like the first bag that I did for Wicked1 that she carries around....in other words, I can go ahead, design the WHOLE bag on this one hoop, split it, (then you actually recombine it, for some odd reason), send it to the machine, let it embroider one half, turn the hoop, and then--because fabric DOES shift, I can double-check my stitches with that design alignment feature, but the Diamond will then AUTOMATICALLY line up the design and do the other half of the bag, PERFECTLY....
So, guess what? It will look JUST LIKE IT CAME OFF A MACHINE, (like my girlfriend says), or LIKE IT WAS MADE IN CHINA--yea!! You know you've become a professional when your shit looks like it was machine-made, or came from China by way of WalMart....(I should be famous within a week or two if this keeps up).
Now--about the Emmys....I did a lot more research on them--Secret Room Events, that is....they ARE the real deal, first of all. Wicked1, I will forward the email they sent me, along with the secret password to get into the Emmy site (how cool is that?)...and there MIGHT still be one sponsorship left where we could actually go OUT there--for like some small amount of our meager fortune (hah!). Imagine us at the Emmy's, Patty....how fun would that be?!?!?! (For just small part of your anatomy, you get a 4 ft table to display all your lovely stuff on....which you also give away, I think; rooms at the Hyatt are a stinking $179/night, if you tell them you're with SRE--a BARGAIN, if you ask me....and you get some other stuff, like press....I didn't look at it too carefully because I wasn't thinking about that one)....anyway, yes--we'd put UP to 2 items in each bag (40 bags); and there's a size limit, too.
I haven't talked much with Mike about it, except that he's ALL FOR IT--saying we don't have much to lose except some sweat equity, and the possibility of gains from someone who just might be the next Jennifer Anniston even if she IS the floor sweeper at the Emmy's backstage who happens to snag one of our gift bags and takes it home, but now she's got a decent purse to carry to her next audition, which gives her some confidence and so she BLOWS the audition right out of the water, gets the part, becomes rich/famous overnight, and as she's walking down Rodeo Drive, someone stops her and says, "Hey, Ms. Anniston-look-alike, where'd you get that GORGEOUS bag and bracelet? We justlikeyouknowcan'tstoplikelookinglikeadoringlikeit!!"
And she just smiles sweetly, and says...."Oh--you must, MUST MUST shop Wicked Sisters2--they're liketheverylikethesweetestlikethebestlikeshop..." (her publicist grabs her then, realizing she's late for voice lesson #2--How to Like Stop "Like" Every Other Like Word....Before It's Like Too F'ing Like Late...
But word is (like) out....and we're the next Vera & Kate Spade....or something (like) that....anyway, that was Mike's point (or at least, what I took from it--I kind of, like, extrapolated a bit from what he said....)
But, I agree--right now, I have close to 20 finished bags, if I could count the 5 day bags. I have 3 day bags on the cutting table--that is, cut and ready to sew. I'm now designing smaller bags, since I was thinking we'd do this--and frankly W1, I was working myself around to the thinking that even if you DIDN'T want to do it, I probably would go ahead anyway--just with evening bags, and take the chance....why not? So it "depletes all of my inventory." The SALES sure as hell aren't, at the moment, anyway....a girlfriend is coming over to pick out HER bag....she wanted to see "her options...." Too funny....her options? Like I'm some kind of fashion designer...."Here, you can pick from this fabric, this thread, and this design...." Or a Chinese restaurant--choose one from column A, 2 from column B....sheesh....I sure hope she can "envision," or visualize--or else this will be a LONG visit.
Anyway--I would do it just for the chance to send them ALL out there, write about it on blog, and then? Start making new bags all over again....and, AND hopefully tell stories about what happened to our purses--or better yet, make UP stories about what happened "on the way to the Emmy's...." Gee, I might finally even WATCH the damned show for once--just to see if the backstage stuff really SHOWS our bags!! How cool would that be, anyway? And, they select a charity (last year it was Easter Seals) to sponsor their event....in fact--there are a couple of different shows to watch--Access hollywood, both daytime AND nighttime, the Today show 4th hour, Andy Cohen's show (whatever that whatawaste gay guy does--something on Bravo...what a perfect place for him)....and then, of course--the EMMY's themselves....(finally, spellchecker likes it if you capitalize the EMMY's, otherwise, it's a no-no). What if your NAME was Emmy? Ah ha!! Fooled it again....Emmy is okay, EMMY's is okay...I give up.
Nevermind....now it doesn't like THAT. (I hate spellcheck). Well, I'm off to the sweatshop--er, studio. Oh, I forgot to tell you--last week we did fireworks on the lake--they were gorgeous. I always think the really gigantic ones--I think they call them chrysanthemums--look just like what I would describe an orgasm like....(I used to tell Bob that). And when they come in a big wave--a series of them, boom-boom-boom? That's a multiple....at least, what I can remember of them, anyway....but LAST week, I looked at them, and thought, "I wish I could design those..." Not orgasms, but the fireworks. (Well, it would be nice if you could design orgasms, too--but I think Georgia O'Keefe was trying to do that for years with her paintings, even if she WAS an excuse me-very-talented-gay-lesbian-nice-lady-who-lived-in-a-tiny-little-house-in-Santa-Fe-NM-and-no-one-wanted-to-admit-it-about-either-her-OR-her-paintings-that-they-were-kinda-suggestive-so-everyone-just-said-"gee, aren't they cute, Georgia-darling, you should hang these in the foyer where everyone can see them, or in the powder room...." but-no-I-can't-afford-one-right-now-and-NOW-they're-wishing-they'd-bought-one-of-her-stinkin-gay-suggestive-paintings-instead-of-getting-stuck-with-one-of-her-bazillion-posters-some-idiot-made-a-fortune-off-of).
Nope--I just wish I could design the fireworks as beautiful fireworks--and then repeat the design on fabric....unless of course, someone started thinking of ME as another Georgia O'Keefe....crap...then we're off to the whole gay-lesbian thing again....which means I'd have to go through 99 dates from hell....just for good imagery....
On the other hand, maybe it's not so bad--being gay. This is a dumb line of thought--I gotta go do something else.
So--we agree? We'll split the fee and come up with products? Then we can say, "We are proud sponsors of the 65th Annual Emmy Awards Show this year!!" Hip, hip, Hooray!!
Anyway, Susan was working the VSM shop--that's the Viking store in Joanns (don't ask me what the S&M stand for, because what I USUALLY think is not what these women look like they'd EVER be doing, ANYWHERE, even remotely CLOSE to something that resembles S or M). But V stands for Viking--or at least, I hope it does....let's not even go there.
So I explain this problem to Susan who tells me she's only begun to play with her majestic hoop, so she really can't answer my questions, but admires my work anyway, and then holds up this little software cd that says, "How Do I?" and at the bottom of the bag it says "Outsmart the GodAlmighty F'ing Majestic Hoop so it will do whatever I WANT it to do, on command?" Or some kind of bs like that....for a mere $29.95....(it's always something at VSM--no one ever knows anything, but they can SELL you the answer). Ok then--I'm desperate AND I'm game--I'll buy it.
And THIS time, I've got so many freaking points (from buying my last Diamond), that the darned software is actually FREE to ME!!! Yahoo and Comcast!! In fact, I even got 5 spools of Robison-Anton thread, too--ha, ha....VSM didn't make any $$ yesterday on me....(of course, Joanns was another story entirely--but at least I remembered my 10% off everything coupon...)
And believe it or not--not only did I read the instructions and watch the damned cd, but IT WORKED!! I got a complete design sent to my Diamond that I MADE UP MYSELF, and the machine actually gave me that wonderful message that I love to see--you know, the one where it asks me, "Want us to do all the work on one side first, so you can stop and admire it, oh most beautiful master, the best designer we've ever worked with in our short little lives--or would you like us to jump around from place to place on this f'ing hoop, and make you nervous as hell, wondering what the heck we're up to now?" I always check, "You can stay right where you are, bitch, until I say..."turn over," and then we'll see how well you did."
And away we go.....I'm so excited, because now I can also do design alignment of my other designs--like the first bag that I did for Wicked1 that she carries around....in other words, I can go ahead, design the WHOLE bag on this one hoop, split it, (then you actually recombine it, for some odd reason), send it to the machine, let it embroider one half, turn the hoop, and then--because fabric DOES shift, I can double-check my stitches with that design alignment feature, but the Diamond will then AUTOMATICALLY line up the design and do the other half of the bag, PERFECTLY....
So, guess what? It will look JUST LIKE IT CAME OFF A MACHINE, (like my girlfriend says), or LIKE IT WAS MADE IN CHINA--yea!! You know you've become a professional when your shit looks like it was machine-made, or came from China by way of WalMart....(I should be famous within a week or two if this keeps up).
Now--about the Emmys....I did a lot more research on them--Secret Room Events, that is....they ARE the real deal, first of all. Wicked1, I will forward the email they sent me, along with the secret password to get into the Emmy site (how cool is that?)...and there MIGHT still be one sponsorship left where we could actually go OUT there--for like some small amount of our meager fortune (hah!). Imagine us at the Emmy's, Patty....how fun would that be?!?!?! (For just small part of your anatomy, you get a 4 ft table to display all your lovely stuff on....which you also give away, I think; rooms at the Hyatt are a stinking $179/night, if you tell them you're with SRE--a BARGAIN, if you ask me....and you get some other stuff, like press....I didn't look at it too carefully because I wasn't thinking about that one)....anyway, yes--we'd put UP to 2 items in each bag (40 bags); and there's a size limit, too.
I haven't talked much with Mike about it, except that he's ALL FOR IT--saying we don't have much to lose except some sweat equity, and the possibility of gains from someone who just might be the next Jennifer Anniston even if she IS the floor sweeper at the Emmy's backstage who happens to snag one of our gift bags and takes it home, but now she's got a decent purse to carry to her next audition, which gives her some confidence and so she BLOWS the audition right out of the water, gets the part, becomes rich/famous overnight, and as she's walking down Rodeo Drive, someone stops her and says, "Hey, Ms. Anniston-look-alike, where'd you get that GORGEOUS bag and bracelet? We justlikeyouknowcan'tstoplikelookinglikeadoringlikeit!!"
And she just smiles sweetly, and says...."Oh--you must, MUST MUST shop Wicked Sisters2--they're liketheverylikethesweetestlikethebestlikeshop..." (her publicist grabs her then, realizing she's late for voice lesson #2--How to Like Stop "Like" Every Other Like Word....Before It's Like Too F'ing Like Late...
But word is (like) out....and we're the next Vera & Kate Spade....or something (like) that....anyway, that was Mike's point (or at least, what I took from it--I kind of, like, extrapolated a bit from what he said....)
But, I agree--right now, I have close to 20 finished bags, if I could count the 5 day bags. I have 3 day bags on the cutting table--that is, cut and ready to sew. I'm now designing smaller bags, since I was thinking we'd do this--and frankly W1, I was working myself around to the thinking that even if you DIDN'T want to do it, I probably would go ahead anyway--just with evening bags, and take the chance....why not? So it "depletes all of my inventory." The SALES sure as hell aren't, at the moment, anyway....a girlfriend is coming over to pick out HER bag....she wanted to see "her options...." Too funny....her options? Like I'm some kind of fashion designer...."Here, you can pick from this fabric, this thread, and this design...." Or a Chinese restaurant--choose one from column A, 2 from column B....sheesh....I sure hope she can "envision," or visualize--or else this will be a LONG visit.
Anyway--I would do it just for the chance to send them ALL out there, write about it on blog, and then? Start making new bags all over again....and, AND hopefully tell stories about what happened to our purses--or better yet, make UP stories about what happened "on the way to the Emmy's...." Gee, I might finally even WATCH the damned show for once--just to see if the backstage stuff really SHOWS our bags!! How cool would that be, anyway? And, they select a charity (last year it was Easter Seals) to sponsor their event....in fact--there are a couple of different shows to watch--Access hollywood, both daytime AND nighttime, the Today show 4th hour, Andy Cohen's show (whatever that whatawaste gay guy does--something on Bravo...what a perfect place for him)....and then, of course--the EMMY's themselves....(finally, spellchecker likes it if you capitalize the EMMY's, otherwise, it's a no-no). What if your NAME was Emmy? Ah ha!! Fooled it again....Emmy is okay, EMMY's is okay...I give up.
Nevermind....now it doesn't like THAT. (I hate spellcheck). Well, I'm off to the sweatshop--er, studio. Oh, I forgot to tell you--last week we did fireworks on the lake--they were gorgeous. I always think the really gigantic ones--I think they call them chrysanthemums--look just like what I would describe an orgasm like....(I used to tell Bob that). And when they come in a big wave--a series of them, boom-boom-boom? That's a multiple....at least, what I can remember of them, anyway....but LAST week, I looked at them, and thought, "I wish I could design those..." Not orgasms, but the fireworks. (Well, it would be nice if you could design orgasms, too--but I think Georgia O'Keefe was trying to do that for years with her paintings, even if she WAS an excuse me-very-talented-gay-lesbian-nice-lady-who-lived-in-a-tiny-little-house-in-Santa-Fe-NM-and-no-one-wanted-to-admit-it-about-either-her-OR-her-paintings-that-they-were-kinda-suggestive-so-everyone-just-said-"gee, aren't they cute, Georgia-darling, you should hang these in the foyer where everyone can see them, or in the powder room...." but-no-I-can't-afford-one-right-now-and-NOW-they're-wishing-they'd-bought-one-of-her-stinkin-gay-suggestive-paintings-instead-of-getting-stuck-with-one-of-her-bazillion-posters-some-idiot-made-a-fortune-off-of).
Nope--I just wish I could design the fireworks as beautiful fireworks--and then repeat the design on fabric....unless of course, someone started thinking of ME as another Georgia O'Keefe....crap...then we're off to the whole gay-lesbian thing again....which means I'd have to go through 99 dates from hell....just for good imagery....
On the other hand, maybe it's not so bad--being gay. This is a dumb line of thought--I gotta go do something else.
So--we agree? We'll split the fee and come up with products? Then we can say, "We are proud sponsors of the 65th Annual Emmy Awards Show this year!!" Hip, hip, Hooray!!
Monday, July 15, 2013
My Battle with Viking's Majestic Hoop...
I swear to god....the people at Viking (who made my Diamond) and Dell-with-the-stupid-E must be one and the same people....and the only good thing about them is....I do believe they make me have occasional flashes of genius....to wit:
I spent the entire day yesterday fighting with both of them. You know the story of the computer--wouldn't boot up...hell, I couldn't get it to wear sneakers, let alone boots. Finally the damned thing comes "up," from wherever it's been (like it's been on vacation or something? why do we always say, "it's up?")
Anyway, I wanted to do a design on my "Majestic" hoop. Now, this is the largest hoop Viking makes--it's so damned big it fills up a room. It's 350x360 in millimeters--whatever that means in inches, but trust me--that's f'ing huge. So, I wanted to do a design--and it's ONE OF VIKING'S OWN DESIGNS, EVEN--not one I made up, for god's sake....it's one they TELL YOU TO USE THEIR MAJESTIC HOOP FOR!!! Goodie, I think--now I can finally use this thing. But nooooooooo....I keep getting error messages. I read their stinking manual--manual? It's a page & a half of pictures, and they even tell you about that error message, and THEY say, "just move the design when you get that message." MOVE IT? Move it where? It fills up the WHOLE STINKING HOOP, you idiots. There IS no place to move it. So, I figure there must be a "setting" or something I need to change--and of course, there is. Which I do--on my computer, now that "it's up" from it's vacation.
STILL NO GOOD. I give up, call Demaris, tell her I need alcohol, let's go out for dinner. I've spent the whole day trying to outsmart Viking and Dell and I'm IN NEED of a fix--badly. David even called and I must have sounded so beat/whipped when I answered and just said hello, he burst out laughing and the way I answered the phone (sob), and then said, "sorry about that--can I help?" Not unless you can magically make Majestic do her thing, I'm thinking...or make Dell stay "up" where's it's supposed to....for freakin' ever.
As usual, he's no help (they never are)....
This morning, however, I have my "flash of genius" when I think to myself-----maybe I need to directly connect my USB cable from the computer to the sewing machine, and the settings preferences I selected will magically transmit themselves over to the machine via the airwaves (or some such cyberbullshit like that), and my problem will be resolved....so at the wee hours of the morning, before I've even FINISHED my coffee, I run downstairs, practically naked (but not really), and start connecting any wires I can find....of course, good old Dell has decided to go on a f'ing vacation again....sh**T and damnation, that thing goes on more f'ing vacations than I ever EVER took in my 30 year career....so I have to go find it, drag it back "UP" from wherever it's BEEN, re-BOOT the f'er, and wait for IT to come back (where does it go? and why do we say THAT?...wait for it to come "back"?) But, finally, it does, lines are connected, I feel like a mad scientist about to blow up the downstairs, waiting for a transmittal to occur........................and--
POOF, like magic, the design pops up on the machine and now it says, "Do you want us to embroider all on one side before we stop and do the other side, please master of our universe, or would you like us to just do the entire side and then stop so you can admire what we've done and then you can turn it over and we'll do the other side?" (Actually, it just says, "Check box: one side or both sides embroidered first?" Or some abbreviated bull like that....you can check EITHER box, too--instructions say it doesn't matter. Really? Then why did you put it in there, you idiots?)
And, away we go.....
Is it worth it? I'll let you know. I wanted to do this huge design to make a bag on faux leather. I'm so exhausted just getting it on there, I nearly forgot why I was doing it. But, now I know how.
As I said at the beginning, I'll never get Alzheimer's if this keeps up....my brain might be the one organ someone could donate to science when I die. For sure my liver will be shot, according to CVS and the doctor....but my brain? Sharp as a tack, thanks to Viking & Dell.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Some Days Just Don't Go The Way You Want Them To....
It's been one of those days....just about nothing has gone right, or the way it should go...and I had high hopes. I knew I'd be interrupted for a little bit--had to take a plant and a card over to my neighbor (a woman who was part of our bazaar group, not to be confused with bizarre group, which we sometimes can be, but she'd had an illness and we had a group-signed card, and since I lived the closest, I was taking it over, etc, etc)...anyway, where was I? Oh yeah--I knew I'd have at least one interruption, but not 5 bazillion....all from the same machine, no less.
Two days ago, the Diamond was merrily plugging along, spewing out designs for bags for the Emmy's--did I tell you we're going to have our bags & bracelets in gift bags at the Emmy's? We are, and we're so excited! But more about that in a later post....for now, anyway--I'm trying to crank out a few dozen designs for bags (we need to fill 40 gift bags for the show, with up to 2 items in each bag--yea! Such possibilities!!), and the deadline is tight--we have to have everything READY TO GO by the end of August, and no later than September 10th....
But meanwhile, the Diamond (my wonderful embroidery machine) is going full speed two days ago...and so today, I go downstairs expecting to load her up and get another couple of bags done, or at least one done before I go over to my neighbor's. But at least ONCE every five minutes, I get a message "Check needle," which means the needle has come unthreaded. If this happened just once--okay. No big deal. But it keeps happening...over and over. I change needles. I change the bobbin. I mean, I'm embroidering on silk with metallic thread, so I figure maybe it's a little temperamental, but this is getting ridiculous. Unless I actually SIT in front of her, she won't embroider more than 5 minutes. She needs attention? Really? It's a machine, not a person, I keep reminding myself...but I've come to believe that these machines sometimes act like a person. For reasons I can't explain, the stupid machine (I can say that since I'm upstairs and it can't hear me) actually does perform better when you sit right in front of it. Go figure.
But since I'm not about to do that all day, I try to figure out what the hell is wrong with her. In between trying to diagnose her problems, I'm also trying to assemble a couple of bags that I finished yesterday, which means adding their chains, and gluing them into their frames--a messy job that I'm not particularly fond of, especially the second side. Why the 2nd side? You can easily see what you're doing on the first side, but when it gets to the 2nd side, you have all the fabric from the 1st side in your way, and no matter how you twist and turn the bag, no matter what light you point it at, you're half-gluing in the dark, a little bit. It always makes me nervous, and once or twice, I've managed to drip glue out of the frame and half-way down the table before I realized what I was doing. Then you're supposed to wait 5 minutes for the glue to "set up" before you try to put the bag into the frame (one lady suggested going to make "a nice spot of tea" while waiting for the glue to set up--I guess she was British or something...). In the middle of all this, I had decided the Diamond's embroidery arm needed a bit of help, so I was "helping" it by stacking a box and a couple of books under the sections that extended way beyond the machine--my thought was that there might be too much hoop hanging beyond the machine, causing too much tension, which was causing all this "check needle" nonsense, so if I "lifted" the hoop a bit, I might be able to relieve some of that tension (headache) it was giving the machine (and me).
Problem was, when it shifted from one end of the hoop to the other to do more embroidery, while I was busy gluing, it knocked the box and the books off the table, scaring me, the dog and the cat--and causing me to drop the bag, the glue, and everything else I had in my hands (thank god I didn't have any glass of water in my hands right then). We all jumped about 3 feet and said holy crap! (Well, the cat didn't say anything, just me and the dog--he has a pretty good vocabulary.) And of course, within 2 minutes, I got the freakin' "check needle" message again.
I finally--FINALLY--got the stinking design done...one that should have taken 2 hours took the whole damned day, visit to the neighbor included. All that hoop-de-ra didn't really help either--the design is slightly off, so now I have to "embellish" it a bit to cover up the doo-das (my word for goofs), or I won't be able to use it at all...
After all of that I finally decided to just give up, go upstairs, and start drinking--my solution to the day's problems. So that's where I am now. Posting and drinking. A pretty good way to close out the day, I think.
Two days ago, the Diamond was merrily plugging along, spewing out designs for bags for the Emmy's--did I tell you we're going to have our bags & bracelets in gift bags at the Emmy's? We are, and we're so excited! But more about that in a later post....for now, anyway--I'm trying to crank out a few dozen designs for bags (we need to fill 40 gift bags for the show, with up to 2 items in each bag--yea! Such possibilities!!), and the deadline is tight--we have to have everything READY TO GO by the end of August, and no later than September 10th....
But meanwhile, the Diamond (my wonderful embroidery machine) is going full speed two days ago...and so today, I go downstairs expecting to load her up and get another couple of bags done, or at least one done before I go over to my neighbor's. But at least ONCE every five minutes, I get a message "Check needle," which means the needle has come unthreaded. If this happened just once--okay. No big deal. But it keeps happening...over and over. I change needles. I change the bobbin. I mean, I'm embroidering on silk with metallic thread, so I figure maybe it's a little temperamental, but this is getting ridiculous. Unless I actually SIT in front of her, she won't embroider more than 5 minutes. She needs attention? Really? It's a machine, not a person, I keep reminding myself...but I've come to believe that these machines sometimes act like a person. For reasons I can't explain, the stupid machine (I can say that since I'm upstairs and it can't hear me) actually does perform better when you sit right in front of it. Go figure.
But since I'm not about to do that all day, I try to figure out what the hell is wrong with her. In between trying to diagnose her problems, I'm also trying to assemble a couple of bags that I finished yesterday, which means adding their chains, and gluing them into their frames--a messy job that I'm not particularly fond of, especially the second side. Why the 2nd side? You can easily see what you're doing on the first side, but when it gets to the 2nd side, you have all the fabric from the 1st side in your way, and no matter how you twist and turn the bag, no matter what light you point it at, you're half-gluing in the dark, a little bit. It always makes me nervous, and once or twice, I've managed to drip glue out of the frame and half-way down the table before I realized what I was doing. Then you're supposed to wait 5 minutes for the glue to "set up" before you try to put the bag into the frame (one lady suggested going to make "a nice spot of tea" while waiting for the glue to set up--I guess she was British or something...). In the middle of all this, I had decided the Diamond's embroidery arm needed a bit of help, so I was "helping" it by stacking a box and a couple of books under the sections that extended way beyond the machine--my thought was that there might be too much hoop hanging beyond the machine, causing too much tension, which was causing all this "check needle" nonsense, so if I "lifted" the hoop a bit, I might be able to relieve some of that tension (headache) it was giving the machine (and me).
Problem was, when it shifted from one end of the hoop to the other to do more embroidery, while I was busy gluing, it knocked the box and the books off the table, scaring me, the dog and the cat--and causing me to drop the bag, the glue, and everything else I had in my hands (thank god I didn't have any glass of water in my hands right then). We all jumped about 3 feet and said holy crap! (Well, the cat didn't say anything, just me and the dog--he has a pretty good vocabulary.) And of course, within 2 minutes, I got the freakin' "check needle" message again.
I finally--FINALLY--got the stinking design done...one that should have taken 2 hours took the whole damned day, visit to the neighbor included. All that hoop-de-ra didn't really help either--the design is slightly off, so now I have to "embellish" it a bit to cover up the doo-das (my word for goofs), or I won't be able to use it at all...
After all of that I finally decided to just give up, go upstairs, and start drinking--my solution to the day's problems. So that's where I am now. Posting and drinking. A pretty good way to close out the day, I think.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Finally, I managed to do something right...I think
I never professed to be technologically competent...especially where anything remotely connected to a computer is involved. Which is funny, since my two sewing machines both depend on a computer for design, and both have computers built into them--but trust me, I fight with both of them on a regular basis--it's amazing the gorgeous (if I do say so myself) work that comes out of them in spite of me.
But getting this poor blog up and running, and trying to find out how to link it back to our tiny little Etsy shop? That has been an entirely different battle...I've left at least 3 other blogs dead on the road along the way somewhere. Blog-kill is kind of what I think of them....I'm just hoping I'm not the only person who does that--starts something on line, figures out this was a mistake and can't find the "undo" button anywhere, there's no one to really talk to, so you just get out of the page altogether and leave it like old trash out there, littering cyberspace with your mistakes, hoping you didn't just hit a satellite or something important when you threw it out the proverbial cyber window...and then go on to the next attempt.
Anyway, I finally figured out how to correctly name the blog, and give the blog its rightful address, and so, "ta da!" as they say....now we have a blog that resembles the name in our shop....here we are!!
So now, I can start chatting away, like I do every morning to Wicked1--and sharing those lovely moments with any one who cares to drop by....readers, that is...and maybe you'd like to drop in with your cup of coffee, tea, or wine (if it's the right time of day--hell, for me? I have days when ANY time is the right time of day for wine) and give us a few of your thoughts....if so, just jump right in and drop us a line...isn't there a place on these things for comments? I'm pretty sure there is, if I remember from my early blogging days (I had a blog called swymathecove--which was a ridiculous acronym for "say what you mean at the cove--where I live, on a lake, back when I first started blogging, right after I retired from a 30-some year career with the Federal government, and I was SURE--absolutely stinking positively SURE I would be a consultant....ha! No such thing happened...and now I'm very glad of it, because I wouldn't be doing the wonderfully fun creative crap --oops, I mean fun stuff--I'm doing now, with Wicked1).....
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah....so now we have this blog, and we'll talk to you, you can talk back, and we might listen...just kidding--if you talk back, we WILL listen...because that means you READ us!!! It means you actually LOOKED at more than just our stuff, you found us behind the curtain and looked up our profile, and found the LINK to this blog....YIPPEE!!! (Sheesh, don't get so all excited or anything, Wicked2...no one's even READ this stuff...yet....and they won't if you keep this up).
Ok....well, this is the first....but we've got a lot of stuff--I mean things to talk with you about...most of it is just plain funny stuff about what goes on in our lives while we're trying to make things to put in our shop....and the kinds of things that interrupt us (men, cranky machines acting up, software that won't do what it's supposed to do, weird men leaving strange phone messages, friends with odd advice, bad compliments, the dog, the cat, etc)...you name it--it happens around here, and makes life interesting...) And once in awhile, we even take pictures to go along with the interruptions....
So sit back, bring a drink, and enjoy....we do! Oh, and have a nice day (I actually hate that phrase--it reminds me of that silly yellow button with the smiley face on it--but someone's always saying it, so I suppose I should say it to someone....)
But getting this poor blog up and running, and trying to find out how to link it back to our tiny little Etsy shop? That has been an entirely different battle...I've left at least 3 other blogs dead on the road along the way somewhere. Blog-kill is kind of what I think of them....I'm just hoping I'm not the only person who does that--starts something on line, figures out this was a mistake and can't find the "undo" button anywhere, there's no one to really talk to, so you just get out of the page altogether and leave it like old trash out there, littering cyberspace with your mistakes, hoping you didn't just hit a satellite or something important when you threw it out the proverbial cyber window...and then go on to the next attempt.
Anyway, I finally figured out how to correctly name the blog, and give the blog its rightful address, and so, "ta da!" as they say....now we have a blog that resembles the name in our shop....here we are!!
So now, I can start chatting away, like I do every morning to Wicked1--and sharing those lovely moments with any one who cares to drop by....readers, that is...and maybe you'd like to drop in with your cup of coffee, tea, or wine (if it's the right time of day--hell, for me? I have days when ANY time is the right time of day for wine) and give us a few of your thoughts....if so, just jump right in and drop us a line...isn't there a place on these things for comments? I'm pretty sure there is, if I remember from my early blogging days (I had a blog called swymathecove--which was a ridiculous acronym for "say what you mean at the cove--where I live, on a lake, back when I first started blogging, right after I retired from a 30-some year career with the Federal government, and I was SURE--absolutely stinking positively SURE I would be a consultant....ha! No such thing happened...and now I'm very glad of it, because I wouldn't be doing the wonderfully fun creative crap --oops, I mean fun stuff--I'm doing now, with Wicked1).....
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah....so now we have this blog, and we'll talk to you, you can talk back, and we might listen...just kidding--if you talk back, we WILL listen...because that means you READ us!!! It means you actually LOOKED at more than just our stuff, you found us behind the curtain and looked up our profile, and found the LINK to this blog....YIPPEE!!! (Sheesh, don't get so all excited or anything, Wicked2...no one's even READ this stuff...yet....and they won't if you keep this up).
Ok....well, this is the first....but we've got a lot of stuff--I mean things to talk with you about...most of it is just plain funny stuff about what goes on in our lives while we're trying to make things to put in our shop....and the kinds of things that interrupt us (men, cranky machines acting up, software that won't do what it's supposed to do, weird men leaving strange phone messages, friends with odd advice, bad compliments, the dog, the cat, etc)...you name it--it happens around here, and makes life interesting...) And once in awhile, we even take pictures to go along with the interruptions....
So sit back, bring a drink, and enjoy....we do! Oh, and have a nice day (I actually hate that phrase--it reminds me of that silly yellow button with the smiley face on it--but someone's always saying it, so I suppose I should say it to someone....)
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